New Path on a Long Traveled Journey

If you know me you know a few things about me. One of these is that, like many people out there, I have been trying for years to lose weight. I think that for so long I have viewed this as a selfish venture. Yeah yeah, I know...if I am not healthy, my family suffers...If I am overweight I can't help others...If I am overweight I am prone to keel over early abandoning everyone. But really for those of you that are fortunate enough to be skinny, you really have no idea how much you have to focus on you to reach a weight loss goal. The food, the frequency, the exercise, the restrictions, all of it to help ME with weight. And it is time consuming. I think all of your thoughts when you start a diet revolve around one or all of those areas, leaving you with a lot less time to focus on someone else. Or rather someone else's problems. It's all you.

And for me that hasn't been the most comfortable spot to be in. Feelings that have been buried from the days of "tubby tubby 2x4" or "big fat tomato" or any of the many other names that branded me. And the feeling that I just want people to love and appreciate me the way I am, and not hold me to a skinny standard. Oh I know...that is not what people do, and in fact I really do believe that the vast majority of "weight loss well wishers" generally want me to be happy and healthy, but I still feel that.

Every once in awhile I can envision myself slimmer and happier, but I don't know that I can actually ever get there and stay there, and that scares me. It scares me away from trying, and helps me to sabotage myself so that I quit before I reach the point that I go from the slim girl I have envisioned and return to the land of the plump. And I am happy now right? Do I really need to lose weight to be happy and to feel valued and of worth? And of course my answer is no. But I do know I need to be healthy for my family, and for me.

So all of this to lead up to my decision to restart Medifast. I plan on using this blog as a way to express my feelings on this bumpy journey, and share any accomplishments or set backs that I might encounter. This is day two for me, and I am feeling pretty good. I started out yesterday at 226 pounds, and anything has to feel better than that.

I plan to update this blog once a week, and I hope it is an encouragement to myself to keep going. Join me. I don't care what you do, or how you do it, lets just do it.

Holly